I still remember how I felt when I decided to end my marriage 7 years ago. The fear that I will have to raise my daughters then aged 4 and 7 years old alone scared me.
Most if not all parents will agree that parenting is one of the toughest jobs on earth, so imagine how hard it is doing it alone.
Don’t get me wrong I love being a mother and I can’t imagine my life without my kids but I think not enough credit is given to single parents these days.
So today I am dedicating this post to ALL THE SINGLE MOMS out there, yes it is difficult but I see you!
Although I am re-married now but for 5 years I was a single mother. I know how you feel and I remember searching online for some guidance on this matter but didn’t find anything that spoke to me.
The points below are things that I learned while I was a single mother and I hope it helps you in someway.
Life can get busy and your mind is running in one hundred different directions. You have a lot on your plate I get it, but your children probably don’t. They just want to spend time with you and when you do really give them your attention when you are with them. That means putting your phone away and BE PRESENT even if it is only for 10-15 mins.
It goes without saying that when you become a parent your priorities change and your children shift to the first position. However when your couple life changes either by divorce or death then that is a HUGE gap in your life as well as the children. Therefore they will need you now more than ever, you will have to be there for them and support them.
You actually need each other…
Which will mean learning to say NO to social events with family members and friends. Some might understand and others not so much but remember they are not living your life, YOU are so do what feels right for you.
This was something that I learned the hard way, it is not easy.
Yes sometimes you have no choice in the matter but also remember you are not alone. Asking for help to me was as a sign of weakness, I remember thinking “I am supposed to be able to cope with all this, I am strong enough” but reality is you cant do it alone nor are you supposed to.
You have people who care about you and your kids. They want to help believe me they do but you also need to WANT to be helped. It is totally fine to ask others help in looking after the kids, house chores, etc. Not only is it ok but totally normal to ask for help.
Be strong enough to ask for help when you need it, you are not a failure, you are human.
Prepare yourself for the tough times ahead, because you know they are coming.
You will probably breakdown and cry.
It is OKAY for your children to see you go through the emotion. Just be honest and explain to them that you are having a tough time but that you will be okay.
in front of your kids
Having said that don’t ever speak badly of your ex to them or anyone else for that matter. Treat him with respect even if he doesn’t deserve it, don’t expect the same in return though. Do it for the sake of Allah and your sanity, always try to be a better muslim, always.
Remember you were once married to him and like it or not there is part of him in your children.
Whatever happened between the two of you is between you and your spouse. No matter how difficult things were between you, there is absolutely NO REASON to get the children involved. It will not do them any good you are just putting them in the middle of your divorce. My advice is leave the past in the past and focus on the future.
There are days you are going to be furious and you are most likely going to take it out on the kids, DONT.
When you feel it boiling up just get up and leave, take a couple of deep breaths to calm down and hear yourself think. Remind yourself that lashing out at the kids will not help and you will probably regret it.
and that the divorce it is not their fault.
Studies show that children from broken homes tend to blame themselves for the breakup/divorce. Hug them, tell them you love them every single day.
YOU ARE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS..
It doesn’t feel like it now but you will, if I was able to so will you.
Are you a single mother? Did this help you in any way?
Share your thoughts with me in comments help yourself and others and remember together we rise..